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Christmas Contest

Show off your ISML-related talents, whatever they may be. You can also request character avatar changes here.

Re: Christmas Contest

Postby Homura » Wed Dec 21, 2016 2:14 am

Voted~
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Re: Christmas Contest

Postby HaloCapella » Wed Dec 21, 2016 2:33 am

sorry, but i will only give cumments right now. ;p

Spoiler:
1. Strawberry shortcake i guess~ :)

2. Nice recipe. i wonder how that be like.

3. BURNING RAABU!

4. yumm~ i wants to nom.

5. Waifu bakin with daughteru. x3

6. *drooool*

7. NOMNOMFEST!

8. Watch out! its a trap!

9. I hopes for some good apple pie. :D
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Re: Christmas Contest

Postby Chibasa » Wed Dec 21, 2016 12:20 pm

And now: Writings !

Participation #1: Good Holiday of a Boring Guy
Words: 539

Participation #2: Cookie Catastrophe
Words: 1063

Participation #3: Wanko and the big Christmas banquet
Words: 1138

Participation #4: Winter of a Boring Guy
Words: 1197

Participation #5: Easy and Delicious Oyster Fried Rice Recipe
Words: 1009

Participation #6: Sheriff Potato
Words: 934

Participation #7: Tuna Burger
Words: 746

You have 72 hours left from this post to vote for both drawings and writings. You need to post here to say that you vote for Writings.

Here is the link to vote. Note that my writing which was example at start is here but can't win anything (since I started writing it before official start of the competition). I kept it to get more participations. Note that words count is different with different sites
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Re: Christmas Contest

Postby RailWarrior » Wed Dec 21, 2016 1:07 pm

Voted for drawings based on relative placement. Thus 5 for top three, 3 for middle 3, 1 for bottom 3.
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Re: Christmas Contest

Postby Momo » Wed Dec 21, 2016 1:51 pm

I voted yo
rip English lo
Recipe is love tho

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Re: Christmas Contest

Postby shadowhunter » Wed Dec 21, 2016 1:57 pm

Spoiler for Obviously not voting, so I can leave comments only:
#2 Cookie Catastrophe
Very sweet history. Poor guy.
#3 Wanko and the big Christmas banquet
Full hype!
#5 Easy and Delicious Oyster Fried Rice Recipe
Realistic story.
#6: Sheriff Potato
I catch you Kholdnya! Now you are the cat ! Zura.
Yeah I'm finally the cat !
What are you doing ? You must catch me now ! Pyururu.
But if I catch you Revvie... I will not be the kitty anymore... Why would I do this ?

Best dialogue of 2016.

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Re: Christmas Contest

Postby RailWarrior » Wed Dec 21, 2016 6:19 pm

Writing Entries. Ordered from 5 stars to 2 stars.
Spoiler for Entry 5:
I'll give this a 5, but I'm unhappy with the use of present tense instead of future tense for the non-commands.

Spoiler for Entry 2:
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Excuse me. You're using the semicolon incorrectly. Literally unreadable. 0/5.

Spoiler for Entry 3:
Marinade is a mixture. Marinate is the act of soaking in a marinade. This is why we need more dictionary anime.

Spoiler for Entry 1:
So, this is actually my second favorite. Initially, the sudden tense change at the fourth line made me facepalm. When I reached the end, though, I smiled when the reason for the change became clear. Good job.
However, I can't put this any higher, because I don't believe it satisfies the theme of food.
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Re: Christmas Contest

Postby Toady » Thu Dec 22, 2016 4:41 pm

Pyururu.
I read all the stories and voted. I gave only 1 star to Tuna Burger, but it's still genius.
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Re: Christmas Contest

Postby Reverend » Thu Dec 22, 2016 8:02 pm

I'm voting for the writing contest, pyuru I ended up taking another 12 hours or so before actually start reading.
I actually thought I would not need to write my usual rant to vote. But then I found myself in need to write a personal note before judging them.

Spoiler for My usual rant:
As usual, I won't comment about grammar stuff or how good your English are.

Entry #1: As mentioned by Rail, the problem is that there's not enough food involved.

Well, and the fact that the whole story is just Hunter bullshitting himself with his past because his present is shit.
I think I said this to you (the writer, whose name I won't mention,) It's about how interesting can you make your MC seems to be. This "cowardice" type of MC would have been fine if:
- either the coward stuff exists because the writer wants to deliver a certain emotion like fear or suspense (like, for example, Evangelion's Shinji Ikari. Shitty guy but one hell of an MC.)
- or readers already fall in love with the "subject of the plot twist" when the conclusion comes up. (in this case, the MC.)
Here, tbh, I fail to see the writer's effort to do one of the two in this story. The narrative, especially the monologue part, fail to bring out the charm of Hunter as a guy we were supposed to sympathize at when the conclusion came. This has a direct impact on the story's entertainment value. (And if it's not entertaining, who would care enough to find out who the writer is or even read again?)

The descriptive is pretty solid, though. Efficient, effective, and leaves enough room for readers to use their own imagination. If only the English is better, but- hey at least it's very readable.


Entry #2:
She got me a nice toque that had my initials stitched on the lower hem. She said she made it, and instantly I lit up. I’d never gotten anything hand-made before. It was special in a way I couldn’t describe. As she opened her gift I immediately got disappointed in myself, the cookies weren’t very good because I’d messed up the recipe; she shouldn’t have to subject herself to eating my horrible creations.

This part could have been told in another way. I don't know if the writer didn't realize it or maybe he/she did but just failed, but the writer could have told this part in a way "that compares the two gifts." It would complement the earlier part that was suggesting that MC had no prior experience with baking cookies and is not confident with his/her cooking ability "to only go with the simplest recipe and even said "there's no way I could mess this up" which is a sentence somebody with a natural lack of confidence would tell to him/herself."
Hmm... maybe an extra line, just tiny bit line before it that slows up the pace would have done it. It'll probably take 1 more sentence, which is extra 20 words at most.

Well, anyway:
- Plot is almost non-existent, but so is lots of SoL anime, so it's fine.
- The narrative... if only I never watch and didn't study Amaama's narrative before, I would call this unnecessarily abundant number of descriptive, told this way, shit. (Well, but I did. So no problem there.)
- One thing that I like here is how the whole monologue thing manages to make me like the MC. His/her inconfident and noob-ness in this whole cooking thing, as well as his/her simple-mindedness is real.
- Meanwhile the one thing I do not like, is the fact that it's the girl who has to pretend that the cookie is good.
- And actually, after thinking again, there's 1 more thing I do not like: how I cannot tell if the MC is a boy or a girl. It's natural to assume that... the bigger mass of boys in the world have little-to-nil baking experience. And there are parts that would suggest that it's a boy's monologue, but- I don't know, something feels missing regarding to that. (And that's the reason why I referred the MC here as "him/her", instead of just a "him" or a "her".)

ps.: btw, you messed up the grammar a bit here and there. I wouldn't mind the semicolon thing, but simple mistake like "I smiles" that clearly happened because there were a lapse of focus during the typing and editing process is very... unfortunate.

Entry #3: ... well, it's just the names.
- Oh wow there's even less plot here than Entry #2.
- The first paragraph is beautiful.
- Between the part after that and the kitchen scene just goes by. (Why should I care about a maid or a gardener that have no screentime nor plot relevance whatsoever?)
- Oh so Fuiji's a prankster and everyone accuse him when something mysterious happen? Poor him.
- Okay, nothing happens next. Wanko is a helpful guy whose "adventure" of the day is reduced into two lines because the writer is very wasteful on his/her usage of word count, for a reason that has nothing to do with the story. (and instead it has things to do with the whole food theme, instead. Should that be a plus point, instead, then? I, personally, don't think so. A theme is just a theme.)
Well, but it's not just that. There's also:
Sunlight shined down upon the sleeping figure, stirring his slumber for but a moment before with a light huff, his eye lids fluttering open. Having gone to bed early- albeit too excited the night before to fall asleep immediately- the boy sat up in his bed already wide awake...

This already suggested that the current scene happens in the morning. But then:
... Normally in the morning, the cute head maid Rainbow would be doing her rounds along the corridor-

I know the scene changes, but the time in question doesn't change. So the writer doesn't really need to tell us again that it's morning. (I wouldn't have mentioned this if the writer use "Normally, at this time of the day" even though that would be even more ineffective word count-wise. But unnecessarily repetitive descriptive line is bad.)

- Also, most importantly, I fail to fall in love with anyone here. Mainly because Wanko hogs all the characterization thus making this a one-man show. Problem with one-man show is: if you fail to love that one man, there's nothing for you here. Not that it means the show is bad, ofc. But as I said: I fail to fall in love with anyone here.

- Btw, what's with the past tense? The writer wants to give an impression that this happened in the past? Sorry, I fail to see the purpose of doing that. Artistically, literature-ly, and entertainment-ly. (lol these new words, btw. Sorry, I cannot find the right words, right now.)

Entry #4:
- The apostrophes are a mess. If it's still the same person saying something. Or if there's no other sentence separating one dialogue sentence and another, then you should put the two lines under one line, instead, with one apostrophe pair. I mean:
“So I can suggest one thing!”
“Robert will work at charity café.”

This two sentences are said by Ann, yes? Then they should have been put under one line.

- The Toradora-esque plot twist with Rose is nice. What's not nice that it stopped right there. I would have love to read more about that, instead.
- One thing that this entry wins from entry #1 is that how Hunter is much more lovable. Mainly because of the existence of Ann, as the bastard osananajimi who... narrative-ly exists as antagonist. (Though Hunter is still a very stoic guy who will invite a punch from people who cannot imagine his... situation.)
- Oh yeah, some of the dialogues are very wasteful. You could have saved word count to give an extra interaction between Rose and Hunter, instead, and that interaction could have changed the currently very plain conclusion. (hmm, but it would contrast the usage of past tense, so yeah... it would depend on each person's taste.)

Entry #5: But then the burnt pork would have rot (maybe?)
Rail said the only thing I want to say here: it should have been future tense, the non-command.

Well... and that I would have half-cooked the pork first, after that sliced it up, so that I can put the sliced meat after the rice and the sauce and the oyster are all in, so that not only I can retain the meat taste inside the meat as much as I can, but also because I would want my oyster fried rice to taste more like oyster than pork.
(You see: the pork here is just add-on, because somehow the recipe maker cannot afford oysters, or maybe too lazy to prepare a manual oyster sauce, instead. Well, it is difficult, cooking oyster the right way. So I can understand why. But that doesn't change the fact that there is a potential to add an extra flavor that doesn't poise a danger to the overall taste. Would be unfortunate to waste it.)


Entry #6:
- Who the hell is Reverend? And who the hell is Kholdy? They were introduced as Revvie and Kholdnya, so the writer should have retained the name. (and if the writer wants to use another name, then the writer should have reintroduced them.)
- Oh wow the food only shows up near the end of the story.
- The descriptive... well it's decent.
- The characterization for each character is simple yet clear: their roles, their personality, etc. It is pretty refreshing because all the previous 5 entries... are the types that require some deep-reading in order to get all of their "meanings" and the beauties each entry tries to present.

Entry #7: No comment. :lol:
(More like, the comments I could have made had all been told by that video blaZ posted.)
Last edited by Reverend on Fri Dec 23, 2016 8:27 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Christmas Contest

Postby blaZofgold » Thu Dec 22, 2016 10:43 pm

For those of you who don't understand Entry #7 Tuna Burger's true value:

The gold starts at 4:30.
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Re: Christmas Contest

Postby Chibasa » Fri Dec 23, 2016 6:57 am

A bit more than 5 hours left to vote for both contest ! Voted :3
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Re: Christmas Contest

Postby Desufire » Fri Dec 23, 2016 7:55 am

Tuna Burger is perfection.
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Re: Christmas Contest

Postby Toady » Fri Dec 23, 2016 9:57 am

Reverend wrote:- Between the part after that and the kitchen scene just goes by. (Why should I care about a maid or a gardener that have no screentime nor plot relevance whatsoever?)


Sorry Revvie, but even though the butler has no screentime at all, he's still the best character in the story.
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Re: Christmas Contest

Postby Shmion84 » Fri Dec 23, 2016 1:06 pm

Voted (2 times 5/5, 2 times 4/5, 3 times 3/5)
The voting time in this post and the voting time in the newer post seem to disagree.
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Re: Christmas Contest

Postby blaZofgold » Fri Dec 23, 2016 1:09 pm

I was going to keep quiet before the results were out but I got somewhat triggered because
Reverend wrote:Well... and that I would have half-cooked the pork first, after that sliced it up, so that I can put the sliced meat after the rice and the sauce and the oyster are all in, so that not only I can retain the meat taste inside the meat as much as I can, but also because I would want my oyster fried rice to taste more like oyster than pork.

The recipe called for ground pork. Have fun slicing that up.
Reverend wrote:(You see: the pork here is just add-on, because somehow the recipe maker cannot afford oysters, or maybe too lazy to prepare a manual oyster sauce, instead. Well, it is difficult, cooking oyster the right way. So I can understand why. But that doesn't change the fact that there is a potential to add an extra flavor that doesn't poise a danger to the overall taste. Would be unfortunate to waste it.)

Apparently you've never cooked with oyster sauce before. Hint #1: oyster sauce does not taste like oysters. It's not meant to taste like oysters. You would never use real oysters instead of oyster sauce or vice versa (you even mention preparing manual oyster sauce yet you don't seem to understand this?). Hint #2: this recipe takes a traditional fried rice and doubles down on the sweet and savory aspect of it by using the synergistic combination of oyster sauce, soy sauce, and snow peas; pork as a meat is the best compliment in this kind of scenario (and generally speaking in any Chinese cuisine) - whereas real oysters would add a fishy and pungent flavor that is anti-synergistic and probably not suitable for the palate of a young kid.


Alright, enough cooking rant. Real question:
Reverend wrote:Rail said the only thing I want to say here: it should have been future tense, the non-command.

I have no idea what this means. I can only imagine that you think
Burn the pork. The fire alarm goes off.

Should be rewritten as
Burn the pork. The fire alarm will go off.

Is that correct? If not, then I'm misunderstanding you and you're misusing the term "future tense".
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Re: Christmas Contest

Postby RailWarrior » Fri Dec 23, 2016 2:29 pm

That is correct. You are commanding the reader to do something. Those commands naturally can only be executed some time after said commands have been given--in other words, they can only be executed in the future. Thus, the non-imperative sentences should be written in future tense, as a prediction of what will happen when the commands are executed.
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Re: Christmas Contest

Postby Chibasa » Fri Dec 23, 2016 3:48 pm

Shmion84 wrote:Voted (2 times 5/5, 2 times 4/5, 3 times 3/5)
The voting time in this post and the voting time in the newer post seem to disagree.


Oops indeed lol, forgot one day, at leats it made me post some reminders to vote lol

People have now 20 hours left (+30 min), thx Shmion.
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Re: Christmas Contest

Postby blaZofgold » Fri Dec 23, 2016 7:42 pm

RailWarrior wrote:That is correct. You are commanding the reader to do something. Those commands naturally can only be executed some time after said commands have been given--in other words, they can only be executed in the future. Thus, the non-imperative sentences should be written in future tense, as a prediction of what will happen when the commands are executed.

Huh. While I can see where you're coming from, I don't think it works in this type of prose. 1. It adds a bunch of extra words (mostly 'will's) and clogs up the writing, 2. It makes the narration weaker and takes away from the feel of immediacy. I think that the story is more impactful because events are happening at the same time that the supposed follower of this recipe is going through the steps - instead of this being some kind of prescribed arbitrary "if p then q" recipe (if it's all future tense, its implied that if you don't follow the steps you won't get that kind of result. This is bad because it downplays the struggle represented in the story).

There are points in the story where I think future tense would sound better or fit well, but generally speaking I think keeping it all in the present and presenting it as a narrated story works here.
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Re: Christmas Contest

Postby Reverend » Fri Dec 23, 2016 8:32 pm

Depends on what kind of oyster sauce we are talking about lol. (Though I did forget the "ground pork" part when I wrote that. Gomen.)

Rail explained what (he and) I meant. Thanks, to both of you.

blaZofgold wrote:
RailWarrior wrote:That is correct. You are commanding the reader to do something. Those commands naturally can only be executed some time after said commands have been given--in other words, they can only be executed in the future. Thus, the non-imperative sentences should be written in future tense, as a prediction of what will happen when the commands are executed.

Huh. While I can see where you're coming from, I don't think it works in this type of prose. 1. It adds a bunch of extra words (mostly 'will's) and clogs up the writing, 2. It makes the narration weaker and takes away from the feel of immediacy. I think that the story is more impactful because events are happening at the same time that the supposed follower of this recipe is going through the steps - instead of this being some kind of prescribed arbitrary "if p then q" recipe (if it's all future tense, its implied that if you don't follow the steps you won't get that kind of result. This is bad because it downplays the struggle represented in the story).

There are points in the story where I think future tense would sound better or fit well, but generally speaking I think keeping it all in the present and presenting it as a narrated story works here.

So, the difference here is the point of view?
If that's the case, then I should reread this more carefully, and see whether I can further appreciate "the change in narrative" or not.
(well, I had just read with full attention 4 different stories before I read this one, after all.)

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Re: Christmas Contest

Postby WankoMC » Fri Dec 23, 2016 9:53 pm

Yayyy, drawings voted. So many new drawing styles, thanks everyone for participating! I put my comments below. Sorry if it sounds harsh sometimes ~_~

Spoiler:
#1 The lady on the cake: I might have rated this higher without the strawberries on the background. They gave me the feeling that the whole drawing was quite awry while in reality, not that much. It's still a really cute drawing overall, so that wont matter much!! 4/5

#2 Rabbit Stew Topped with Kiwis: An example that the artist were mostly perfect at what they drew. It's just that... since anatomy is one of the hardest parts to draw imo, and the fact that every other entries have to go through it (and suffer) made me unable to give this a perfect score in the end. I still really like the artist's style and would definitely love to see how they draw more difficult details later! 4/5

#3 The Ship and The Chocolate Stick: Am i imagining thing or the left eye is a bit off the face? Everything else were pretty solid though! I like the drawing style, but looking at this between other colorful entries, i keep feeling like it's missing something. The drawing itself also doesn't give me any particular feelings. In the end, i failed to give this one a score the drawing style actually deserve because of my picky standard D: 3/5

#4 Yummy Ramen: Same case as above, except that i might not like the drawing style as much. But this time, the drawing actually gave me a somewhat funny vibe. I gave this 3/5 but i'm not really sure about the score myself--

#5 Chocolate Kitties: The problem with this one is that... the drawer picked quite difficult hairstyles to get right. As a result, i feel that the hairs look a bit weird. The face of the kid is also a bit awry? (or i am imagining thing, again) Nevertheless, the rest are definitely well-done! The chocolate kitties are also suuuuuuupa cute~. Oh great, there're decent coloring too. Definitely a 4/5!

#6 The Girl Who Loved Wild Rabbit: The drawing is neat and clean. The drawing and coloring style are definitely skillful. Somehow i actually gave this a 4/5 before (it might be because i feel that 5/5 is too perfect) But since all of my standards are meet, it deserves a 5/5.

#7 ISML Christmas Party: Well i dont really need to comment on how professional this one is, do i? The only thing i can complain about such completion is the lightning. Some of the yellow and white shades bothered me as i stared at the drawing longer (Yes i did stare at it pretty long). But that would be asking for more than necessary already. 5/5 ofc. (Also my most favorite of all entries)

#8 The Riot Mouse: Well... well... there's not much i can really comment on. I don't know how to describe it. Maybe... too simple? Sorry, i have to give this a 2/5 D:

#9 The Wolf of Apple Street: Hey, i need to mention first that i really REALLY like the colors in this one. It gave me a pleasant feeling just by looking at. The hairstyle (damnit hairs) were also difficult ones, but were done perfectly. The only thing i feel like could have been improved is the expression on Holo's face. But again, that's asking more than necessary. Totally a 5/5~


Writing will be later ~_~
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WankoMC
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