Amethyst 2011 Featured Match Write-ups

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Amethyst 2011 Featured Match Write-ups

Post by Marinara » Sat Jun 04, 2011 9:59 am

Featured Match previews/descriptions/teasers (whatever you want to call them) are needed every round. Anyone in the community is welcome to contribute in any language. Accepted submissions will be displayed on the front page during the voting round and archived on the site afterwards. You may receive cookies when you submit and/or help edit write-ups.

To view previous previews: http://www.internationalsaimoe.com/cont ... 0_index.php

Guidelines
  • You must be fair to all candidates involved. Write in a neutral voice but keep the reader in suspense, too.
  • A length of about 4 to 5 lines worth is ideal, so it's neither too long, nor too short.
  • Please use the spelling conventions that ISML uses (e.g. with the macrons ō and ū).
  • Because these will be on the front page, appropriateness and quality of writing are extremely important.
  • Please proofread your work from the perspective of a normal visitor; would he or she understand what you wrote?
  • Unfortunately, not every submission will be featured.
  • And perhaps MOST IMPORTANT, final revisions of the submissions must be turned in, at the latest, 5 hours before the start of each match. If additional edits are done after the cut-off time, please PM Marinara immediately.
Post your writings here, and Staff will review and consider them. If you have just ideas, but not whole write-ups, that's okay, too! We can all help each other come up with the best paragraphs to introduce our matches. Thank you for helping to improve ISML!
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Re: Amethyst 2011 Featured Match Write-ups

Post by KawanCido » Sat Jun 04, 2011 11:54 am

what is the benefit in getting cookies anyway? i'd rather lazy to read the FAQ XP
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Re: Amethyst 2011 Featured Match Write-ups

Post by xcrossfacekillahx » Sat Jun 04, 2011 1:31 pm

KawanCido wrote:what is the benefit in getting cookies anyway? i'd rather lazy to read the FAQ XP
Cookies are like the money here
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Re: Amethyst 2011 Featured Match Write-ups

Post by Crisu » Wed Jun 08, 2011 9:41 pm

Preview is up for Round 1.
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Re: Amethyst 2011 Featured Match Write-ups

Post by KawanCido » Wed Jun 08, 2011 10:09 pm

for fixed write's-up :

Gokō Ruri (Oreimo) VS Index L. Prohibitorum (Toaru Majutsu no Index)
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Bitter life have been occurred by these both contestants. Neglecting what people’s taste and keep creating some LN and doujinshi as she pleases makes Kuroneko accustomed with pain, as the fact her creations aren’t well known in the market and it remain in the dark side of desperation. In other hands, Index sacrificed herself to keep over 103,000 grimoires in her body. She wishes nothing but to keep everything inside of her while another eyes see her as cute nun. There is so much pain that we can’t even feel that they remain steady to grab a victory nevertheless. Which one has the deepest wound? The dark witch Kuroneko or the cute white nun Index? Should we help those who need more support.


my first time write-ups don't expecting too much but you should do expecting a lot too X)
Last edited by KawanCido on Thu Jun 09, 2011 7:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Amethyst 2011 Featured Match Write-ups

Post by Eclairs » Thu Jun 09, 2011 4:57 am

Let me try this : Kōsaka Kirino v Katsura Hinagiku
SpoilerShow
Two model students. Both are beautiful, stylish, have good grades, and excel in almost everything they do. But underneath these symmetrical attributes, lies two distinctly different personalities. Katsura Hinagiku is a person who puts others in front of her. She is willing to even save a cat which is stuck on top of a high tree branch, despite her acrophobia. On the other hand, Kōsaka Kirino is the sort of girl who takes care of herself well, even going as far as pushing her own wishes on to others, as people around her can concur. With such discrepancies to their personalities, people tend to separate them, but beneath it all, both Hinagiku and Kirino are actually just girls in that difficult age where they are developing themselves as fine young adults. As the Topaz season has come and gone, every participant starts with a new, clean slate for the race to the Amethyst Necklace. Will Hinagiku steal her march over Kirino for the first win in Amethyst or will Kirino instead beat her challenger instead?

< edit 1 - thanks to clover, momo and elvinsky for pointing some mistakes i've done >
Last edited by Eclairs on Fri Jun 10, 2011 5:01 am, edited 8 times in total.
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Re: Amethyst 2011 Featured Match Write-ups

Post by HeartClover » Thu Jun 09, 2011 5:20 am

am i allowed to make corrections?
Eclairs wrote:Let me try this : Kousaka Kirino v Katsura Hinagiku
SpoilerShow
Two model students. Both are beautiful, stylish, good grades, excel in almost everything they do. But underneath these symmetrical attributes, lies two distinctly different personalities. Katsura Hinagiku is a person who puts others in front of her. She is willing to even safe a cat who is stuck on top of a high tree branch, albeit her Acrophobia. On the other hand, Kousaka Kirino is the sort of girl who takes care of her self well, even going as far as pushing her own wishes on to others, as people around her can concur. With such discrepancies to their personalities, people tend to separate both of them, but beneath all, both Hinagiku and Kirino are actually just girls in that difficult age where they are developing themselves as adults. As the Topaz season has come and go, every participants starts with a new, clean slate for the race to the Amethyst Necklace. Will Hinagiku stole her match over Kirino for the first win in Amethyst or will Kirino instead beat her challenger?
sorry, i dont know how to use the macrons :(
- Both are beautiful, stylish, have good grades, and excel in almost everything they do.
- ...even save a cat...
- ...takes care of herself well...
- ....people tend to separate them, but beneath it all...
- ....has come and gone, every participant starts...
- Will Hinagiku steal her match...
- ....will Kirino beat her challenger instead?


some parts i just changed for a better flow. please ignore those parts if you don't like them. and if i wasn't allowed to make corrections, tell me now so i can hide in a corner...
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Re: Amethyst 2011 Featured Match Write-ups

Post by Eclairs » Thu Jun 09, 2011 5:29 am

well, Thanks for the corrections ( pending Marinana's approval ). I made some silly typoes and such, and u just highlighted them for me.
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Re: Amethyst 2011 Featured Match Write-ups

Post by HeartClover » Thu Jun 09, 2011 5:50 am

^ Thank You. I'm glad I didn't come off as "trying to change everything". I don't have time to write a full write-up yet, but I still want to get involved somehow.

If i may, I'd also like to point out some things in KawanCido's write-up.
KawanCido wrote:Eat this :
Gokō Ruri (Oreimo) VS Index L. Prohibition(Toaru Majutsu no Index)
SpoilerShow
Bitter life have been occurred by these both contestants. Neglecting what people’s taste and keep creating some LN and doujinshi as she pleased makes Kuroneko accustomed with pain, as the fact her creation isn’t well known in the market and it remain in the dark side of desperation. In other hands, Index sacrificing herself to keep over 103.000 grimoires in her body. Wish nothing but to keep everything inside of her while another eyes sees her as cute nun. There so much pain that we can’t even feel that they remain steady to grab a victory nevertheless. Which one has the deepest wound? The dark witch kuroneko or white cute nun Index? Should we help those who need more supports.
- "Bitter life have been occurred by these both contestants" (I'm a bit confused about this part. Do you mean to say they have had bitter lives or that they inflict bitter lives?)
- Neglecting others' tastes and continuing to create light novels (i think you should use the whole phrase, "light novels")
- as she pleases
- creations aren't well known in the market and remain on the dark side of desperation.
- On the other hand (I just think it will flow better this way)
- sacrificed herself to keep over 103,000 grimoires in her body, wishing nothing but to keep everything inside of her while another pair of eyes see her as cute nun. ("pair of" is just to make it flow better. I hope that's okay...)
- There is so much pain
- or white cute nun (would "white" come after "cute", or would that imply race?)
- more support.
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Re: Amethyst 2011 Featured Match Write-ups

Post by xcrossfacekillahx » Thu Jun 09, 2011 6:28 am

HeartClover wrote:^ Thank You. I'm glad I didn't come off as "trying to change everything". I don't have time to write a full write-up yet, but I still want to get involved somehow.

If i may, I'd also like to point out some things in KawanCido's write-up.
KawanCido wrote:Eat this :
Gokō Ruri (Oreimo) VS Index L. Prohibition(Toaru Majutsu no Index)
SpoilerShow
Bitter life have been occurred by these both contestants. Neglecting what people’s taste and keep creating some LN and doujinshi as she pleased makes Kuroneko accustomed with pain, as the fact her creation isn’t well known in the market and it remain in the dark side of desperation. In other hands, Index sacrificing herself to keep over 103.000 grimoires in her body. Wish nothing but to keep everything inside of her while another eyes sees her as cute nun. There so much pain that we can’t even feel that they remain steady to grab a victory nevertheless. Which one has the deepest wound? The dark witch kuroneko or white cute nun Index? Should we help those who need more supports.
- "Bitter life have been occurred by these both contestants" (I'm a bit confused about this part. Do you mean to say they have had bitter lives or that they inflict bitter lives?)
- Neglecting others' tastes and continuing to create light novels (i think you should use the whole phrase, "light novels")
- as she pleases
- creations aren't well known in the market and remain on the dark side of desperation.
- On the other hand (I just think it will flow better this way)
- sacrificed herself to keep over 103,000 grimoires in her body, wishing nothing but to keep everything inside of her while another pair of eyes see her as cute nun. ("pair of" is just to make it flow better. I hope that's okay...)
- There is so much pain
- or white cute nun (would "white" come after "cute", or would that imply race?)
- more support.
And Index's name
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Re: Amethyst 2011 Featured Match Write-ups

Post by HeartClover » Thu Jun 09, 2011 6:36 am

^ Kuroneko should also be capitalized in the last sentence. I missed that before.
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Re: Amethyst 2011 Featured Match Write-ups

Post by Chikara Icy » Thu Jun 09, 2011 7:42 am

May I translate?
Kousaka Kirino v Katsura Hinagiku ( Indonesian)Show
Dua siswa. Baik cantik, luwes, memiliki prestasi yang baik, dan hampir semuanya yang mereka lakukan. Tapi di bawah setangkup atribut, kebohongan yang jelas memiliki dua kepribadian yang berbeda. Hinagiku Katsura adalah seorang yang menempatkan orang lain di depannya. Dia rela untuk menyelamatkan seekor kucing yang terjebak di atas cabang pohon yang tinggi, walaupun mengalami Acrophobia. Di tangan yang lain, Kirino Kōsaka adalah jenis gadis dimana mengurus dirinya dengan baik, bahkan semakin jauh semakin mendorong keinginannya sendiri untuk orang lain, sebagai orang-orang disekitarnya dapat menyetujuinya. Seperti perbedaan pada kepribadian mereka, orang-orang cenderung untuk menjauhkan mereka,tapi di balik itu semua, baik Hinagiku dan Kirino yang sebenarnya hanya gadis yang berbeda usia dimana mereka mengembangkan diri sendiri sebagai orang dewasa. Musim Topaz yang datang dan pergi, setiap perserta memulai yang baru, membersihkan kritik pedas untuk lomba Kalung Amethyst. Akankah Hinagiku mencuri pertandingan dengan melebihi Kirino untuk kemenangan pertama di Amethyst atau akankah Kirino yang malah mengalahkan penantangnya?
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Re: Amethyst 2011 Featured Match Write-ups

Post by Eclairs » Thu Jun 09, 2011 7:54 am

Chikara Icy wrote:May I translate?
Kousaka Kirino v Katsura Hinagiku ( Indonesian)Show
Dua siswa. Baik cantik, luwes, memiliki prestasi yang baik, dan hampir semuanya yang mereka lakukan. Tapi di bawah setangkup atribut, kebohongan yang jelas memiliki dua kepribadian yang berbeda. Hinagiku Katsura adalah seorang yang menempatkan orang lain di depannya. Dia rela untuk menyelamatkan seekor kucing yang terjebak di atas cabang pohon yang tinggi, walaupun mengalami Acrophobia. Di tangan yang lain, Kirino Kōsaka adalah jenis gadis dimana mengurus dirinya dengan baik, bahkan semakin jauh semakin mendorong keinginannya sendiri untuk orang lain, sebagai orang-orang disekitarnya dapat menyetujuinya. Seperti perbedaan pada kepribadian mereka, orang-orang cenderung untuk menjauhkan mereka,tapi di balik itu semua, baik Hinagiku dan Kirino yang sebenarnya hanya gadis yang berbeda usia dimana mereka mengembangkan diri sendiri sebagai orang dewasa. Musim Topaz yang datang dan pergi, setiap perserta memulai yang baru, membersihkan kritik pedas untuk lomba Kalung Amethyst. Akankah Hinagiku mencuri pertandingan dengan melebihi Kirino untuk kemenangan pertama di Amethyst atau akankah Kirino yang malah mengalahkan penantangnya?
i thought of translating the preview it into Malay later tonight, but i guess since u've done it already, i'll just leave it be. Since both Malay and Indonesian language is roughly the same, it saves me the hassle of actually translating it.
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Re: Amethyst 2011 Featured Match Write-ups

Post by KawanCido » Thu Jun 09, 2011 8:44 am

HeartClover wrote:^ Thank You. I'm glad I didn't come off as "trying to change everything". I don't have time to write a full write-up yet, but I still want to get involved somehow.

If i may, I'd also like to point out some things in KawanCido's write-up.
KawanCido wrote:Eat this :
Gokō Ruri (Oreimo) VS Index L. Prohibitorum (Toaru Majutsu no Index)
SpoilerShow
Bitter life have been occurred by these both contestants. Neglecting what people’s taste and keep creating some LN and doujinshi as she pleased makes Kuroneko accustomed with pain, as the fact her creation isn’t well known in the market and it remain in the dark side of desperation. In other hands, Index sacrificing herself to keep over 103.000 grimoires in her body. Wish nothing but to keep everything inside of her while another eyes sees her as cute nun. There so much pain that we can’t even feel that they remain steady to grab a victory nevertheless. Which one has the deepest wound? The dark witch kuroneko or white cute nun Index? Should we help those who need more supports.
- "Bitter life have been occurred by these both contestants" (I'm a bit confused about this part. Do you mean to say they have had bitter lives or that they inflict bitter lives?)
- Neglecting others' tastes and continuing to create light novels (i think you should use the whole phrase, "light novels")
- as she pleases
- creations aren't well known in the market and remain on the dark side of desperation.
- On the other hand (I just think it will flow better this way)
- sacrificed herself to keep over 103,000 grimoires in her body, wishing nothing but to keep everything inside of her while another pair of eyes see her as cute nun. ("pair of" is just to make it flow better. I hope that's okay...)
- There is so much pain
- or white cute nun (would "white" come after "cute", or would that imply race?)
- more support.
FOR MY PROOFREAD :
Gokō Ruri (Oreimo) VS Index L. Prohibitorum (Toaru Majutsu no Index)
SpoilerShow
Bitter life have been occurred by these both contestants. Neglecting what people’s taste and keep creating some LN and doujinshi as she pleases makes Kuroneko accustomed with pain, as the fact her creations aren’t well known in the market and it remain in the dark side of desperation. In other hands, Index sacrificed herself to keep over 103,000 grimoires in her body. She wishes nothing but to keep everything inside of her while another eyes see her as cute nun. There is so much pain that we can’t even feel that they remain steady to grab a victory nevertheless. Which one has the deepest wound? The dark witch Kuroneko or the cute white nun Index? Should we help those who need more support.
explanation:
- "Bitter life have been occurred by these both contestants" ---> they have experienced unhappy feeling (so i called it bitter life)...and they don't give up, they keep their life tough.
- "Remain on the dark" ?---> sounds bad to me. Let's reference it with game title, "ALONE IN THE DARK"
i thought the word "in" more suitable than "on" if we want to match it with word "DARKNESS/DARK"
Kuroneko,"i'll put you into miserable death unless you understand". ;P
Last edited by KawanCido on Thu Jun 09, 2011 12:40 pm, edited 4 times in total.
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Re: Amethyst 2011 Featured Match Write-ups

Post by Elvinsky » Thu Jun 09, 2011 8:56 am

HeartClover wrote:some parts i just changed for a better flow. please ignore those parts if you don't like them. and if i wasn't allowed to make corrections, tell me now so i can hide in a corner...
Any contributions/translations/help to the write-ups is always welcome. Just make sure to submit the revised copies five hours before voting begins.

(Additional edits in red.)
Eclairs wrote:Let me try this : Kousaka Kirino v Katsura Hinagiku
SpoilerShow
Two model students. Both are beautiful, stylish, have good grades, and excel in almost everything they do. But underneath these symmetrical attributes, lies two distinctly different personalities. Katsura Hinagiku is a person who puts others in front of her. She is willing to even save a cat who is stuck on top of a high tree branch, albeit her Acrophobia. On the other hand, Kousaka Kirino is the sort of girl who takes care of herself well, even going as far as pushing her own wishes on to others, as people around her can concur. With such discrepancies to their personalities, people tend to separate them, but beneath it all, both Hinagiku and Kirino are actually just girls in that difficult age where they are developing themselves as adults. As the Topaz season has come and gone, every participant starts with a new, clean slate for the race to the Amethyst Necklace. Will Hinagiku steal her march over Kirino for the first win in Amethyst or will Kirino instead beat her challenger instead?
sorry, i dont know how to use the macrons :(

< edit 1 - thanks to clover for pointing some mistakes i've done >
- "Who" usually refers to a person. You can use either "which" or "that" (depending on the style of English you use) when referring to objects or animals.
- No need to capitalize "acrophobia" (unless it's the starting word in a sentence).
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Re: Amethyst 2011 Featured Match Write-ups

Post by HibariKyoya » Thu Jun 09, 2011 9:27 am

Italian Translation - Kousaka Kirino vs Katsura Hinagiku
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Due studentesse modello. Entrambe sono belle, affascinanti, hanno buoni voti ed eccellono praticamente in tutto ciò che fanno. Tuttavia, sotto queste somiglianze si nascondono due personalità decisamente diverse. Katsura Hinagiku è quel genere di persona che pensa prima agli altri che a sé stessa, fino al punto da cercare di soccorrere un gatto rimasto bloccato in cima ad un albero, nonostante la sua fobia per i luoghi alti. Al contrario, Kousaka Kirino è una ragazza che sa decisamente badare a sé stessa, fino al punto da imporre agli altri la sua volontà, come sanno bene quelli che la conoscono. Con personalità tanto diverse, la gente tende a considerarle l'una l'opposto dell'altra, ma dopotutto sia Hinagiku che Kirino sono solo delle ragazze che stanno attraversando quel difficile periodo della vita durante il quale ci si sviluppa come adulti. Passata la stagione di Topazio, ognuna della partecipanti riparte da zero per la corsa alla Collana d'Ametista. Riuscirà Hinagiku a strappare a Kirino la prima vittoria del round o sarà Kirino a sconfiggere la sua avversaria?
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Re: Amethyst 2011 Featured Match Write-ups

Post by KawanCido » Thu Jun 09, 2011 9:34 am

Another write's up from me:
Charlotte Dunois (Infinity Stratos) VS Kuroi Mato (Black ★ Rock Shooter)
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Another Hanazawa’s fan dilemma. As they call it a controversion war always been a hot issues, the fans keeps grumble,”another parties in the same order’s fight? gimme a break!” And some reactions may keep the same tone. However, which one do you prefer? A cute adorable France “IS” representative or, the massive cool black ★ rock spear-head Kuroi Mato? Regadless who’s the voice actor was involved in, choose it with heart and passion ! Yes, it is. Both of contestant does have their own value, it is our perspective and duty to respect that value,of course by a vote.
Last edited by KawanCido on Thu Jun 09, 2011 7:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Amethyst 2011 Featured Match Write-ups

Post by Momo » Thu Jun 09, 2011 9:34 am

KawanCido wrote: Gokō Ruri (Oreimo) VS Index L. Prohibitorum (Toaru Majutsu no Index)
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Both contestants have suffered a bitter life. Neglecting others' tastes and continuing to create light novels and doujinshi as she pleases makes Kuroneko accustomed with pain: her creations aren’t well known in the market and remain on the dark side of desperation. On the other hand, Index sacrificed herself to keep over 103,000 grimoires in her body. She wishes for nothing but to keep everything inside of her while another eyes see her as a cute nun. There is so much pain that we can’t even feel as they remain steady to grab a victory nevertheless. Which one has the deepest wound? The dark witch Kuroneko or cute white nun Index? Should we help those who need more support.
Well, I don't know what the reference is to, but I think 'on' flows better grammatically if you keep 'side' (re: on this side/on that side) but if you change it to darkness then 'in' works to. Or you can take out the side completely, refer to Kuroneko rather than her work at just make it 'and she remains in dark desperation/on the dark side of desperation.'

Other than that, a few minor edits and implementing some of the changes HeartClover suggested that I feel work better, too =]

Blue section: perhaps "has caused Kuroneko to become accustomed to to pain" flows better? Just a suggestion.
Green section: either 'another pair of' or 'outside' You choose =]
Orange section: I get what you mean, but it feels a bit awkward to me.. maybe "as they nevertheless strive to grasp victory"?

btw, is Kuroneko actually a witch, or would it be better to refer to her as 'fallen angel'? (and @HeartClover, idk about the 'cute white nun,' it depends on what KawanCido means by 'white'.. white-haired? if so, then add -haired)

I would suggest (taking into account Kiopi's points):
Gokō Ruri (Oreimo) VS Index L. Prohibitorum (Toaru Majutsu no In…Show
Both Gokō Ruri, Handle Name: Kuroneko, and Index have suffered in life. Neglecting others' tastes and continuing to create light novels and doujinshi as she likes them has caused Kuroneko to become accustomed to pain: her creations aren’t well known in the market and she remains immersed in darkness. Suffering in a different way, Index sacrificed herself to keep over 103,000 grimoires in her body, having her memory erased every year and losing all those close to her in order to abide by the Church's wishes. She wishes for nothing but to keep everything inside her while outside eyes see her as simply a cute nun. There is so much pain we can’t even begin to imagine as they nevertheless strive to grasp victory. Who has the deeper wound, the self-proclaimed fallen angel or silver-haired altruist? And which girl needs our support more?
Last edited by Momo on Thu Jun 09, 2011 12:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Amethyst 2011 Featured Match Write-ups

Post by KawanCido » Thu Jun 09, 2011 10:03 am

many suitable version in sentences, i think it has the same meaning eventually, as long as you understand what i mean, i don't need to change it that way,isn't? i just need submit it to Marinara. :)
really appreciate your correction in my write's up guys !
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Re: Amethyst 2011 Featured Match Write-ups

Post by Kiopi » Thu Jun 09, 2011 10:24 am

Momokutenshi wrote:
KawanCido wrote: Gokō Ruri (Oreimo) VS Index L. Prohibitorum (Toaru Majutsu no Index)
Both contestants have suffered a bitter life. Neglecting others' tastes and continuing to create light novels and doujinshi as she pleases makes Kuroneko accustomed with pain: her creations aren’t well known in the market and remain on the dark side of desperation. On the other hand, Index sacrificed herself to keep over 103,000 grimoires in her body. She wishes for nothing but to keep everything inside of her while another eyes see her as a cute nun. There is so much pain that we can’t even feel as they remain steady to grab a victory nevertheless. Which one has the deepest wound? The dark witch Kuroneko or cute white nun Index? Should we help those who need more support.
  • Both contestants have suffered a bitter life.
    Bitter life would imply growing up in an environment filled with many unhappy memories. Is this true for Kuroneko? As for Index, while she does not live a normal life, it doesn't look like she's had it that bad either other than having to go for annual memory resets (unless this is mentioned in the LN, which I only read in bits and pieces *shrugs*). She's had team-mates that care for her well-being (Stiyl Magnus and Kaori Kanzaki, plus to a certain extent, Aureolus Izzard).
  • The dark witch Kuroneko or cute white nun Index?
    Personally I'm against attaching some sort of nickname/title onto a character unless specifically referenced to from an established source (e.g. Palmtop Tiger = Aisaka Taiga) or has a clear basis for it. Kuroneko is just a normal human who cosplays in gothic lolita clothing. Calling her "dark witch" is an inaccurate reference.
Supporting:
  • Bakemonogatari: Oshino Shinobu ♦ Sengoku Nadeko ♦ Senjōgahara Hitagi
  • K-On!: Akiyama Mio ♦ Nakano Azusa ♦ Hirasawa Yui
  • Boku wa Tomodachi ga Sukunai: Kashiwazaki Sena
  • Kore wa Zombie Desu ka?: Eucliwood Hellscythe
  • Haiyore! Nyaruko-san: Nyarlathotep
  • Kyōkai no Kanata: Kuriyama Mirai
  • Hyōka: Chitanda Eru
  • Mondaiji: Kurousagi
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