Gokō Ruri (Oreimo) VS Index L. Prohibitorum
(Toaru Majutsu no Index)
Both contestants have suffered a bitter life. Neglecting others' tastes and continuing to create light novels and doujinshi as she pleases makes Kuroneko accustomed with pain: her creations aren’t well known in the market and remain on the dark side of desperation. On the other hand, Index sacrificed herself to keep over 103,000 grimoires in her body. She wishes for nothing but to keep everything inside of her while another eyes see her as a cute nun. There is so much pain that we can’t even feel as they remain steady to grab a victory nevertheless. Which one has the deepest wound? The dark witch Kuroneko or cute white nun Index? Should we help those who need more support.
Well, I don't know what the reference is to, but I think 'on' flows better grammatically if you keep 'side' (re: on this side/on that side) but if you change it to darkness then 'in' works to. Or you can take out the side completely, refer to Kuroneko rather than her work at just make it 'and she remains in dark desperation/on the dark side of desperation.'
Other than that, a few minor edits and implementing some of the changes HeartClover suggested that I feel work better, too =]
: perhaps "has caused Kuroneko to become accustomed to to pain" flows better? Just a suggestion.
: either 'another pair of' or 'outside' You choose =]
: I get what you mean, but it feels a bit awkward to me.. maybe "as they nevertheless strive to grasp victory"?
btw, is Kuroneko actually a witch, or would it be better to refer to her as 'fallen angel'? (and @HeartClover, idk about the 'cute white nun,' it depends on what KawanCido means by 'white'.. white-haired? if so, then add -haired)
I would suggest (taking into account Kiopi's points):
Both Gokō Ruri, Handle Name: Kuroneko, and Index have suffered in life. Neglecting others' tastes and continuing to create light novels and doujinshi as she likes them has caused Kuroneko to become accustomed to pain: her creations aren’t well known in the market and she remains immersed in darkness. Suffering in a different way, Index sacrificed herself to keep over 103,000 grimoires in her body, having her memory erased every year and losing all those close to her in order to abide by the Church's wishes. She wishes for nothing but to keep everything inside her while outside eyes see her as simply a cute nun. There is so much pain we can’t even begin to imagine as they nevertheless strive to grasp victory. Who has the deeper wound, the self-proclaimed fallen angel or silver-haired altruist? And which girl needs our support more?