Great work, shadowhunter! (Actually is there a nickname that we can call you by? Calling your full ID sounds kinda strange
) Effort pays off, doesn't it?
I can see you are not a very comfortable English user, but you are very passionate about writing. No worries, people can improve over time as long as they are willing to! With more practice and using English to chat with each other, you'll eventually get more comfortable and your language skills will improve ^^
I'll leave the editing of your work to Cytrus, blaZ and the other pros (not that I had been helping in any way... ^^" ), but I can suggest how you might improve your English! I'll use your reply above as an example.
1. 'At first' is usually used to refer to time points. For example, 'At first I was very nervous, but later I got relaxed.' For the purpose you are using here, when there is something that you would like to address first before talking about other things, you can use 'Firstly'. As for the latter part, you are using a parallel structure, so you don't need to use 'for' twice.
Firstly, thanks for the correction and good words!
2. For the sentence structure noun(s) + verb, we add 's' to the verb only if the noun before it is singular, and we don't add 's' if the noun before it is plural. In your phrase '"Focused" and "Simply" sounds good', there were two subjects ("Focused" and "Simply"), so you don't add 's' to the verb.
'Focused' and 'simply' sound good.
3. This phrase simply shall go like this:
'Exciting moments' was referring to this phrase...
4. I understand what you mean by 'disguised', but this is not the way it is usually said.
Of course, it should be presented in a more subtle way.
There are other minor grammar problems as well, but I don't want to load you with too much all at once. Grammar is very important for English, so you might want to learn more about the various tenses, sentence structures and preposition use. It sounds like a lot, but language is learnt by using it more, making mistakes and correcting the mistakes ^^
Just asking, are you Chinese? Some of your mistakes make me think you may be, sorry if I'm wrong ^^